Beat Crazy

(What do you want... blood?)

Kids today, they're all the same
All call themselves some crazy names

(Yeah, Monks and Rockers and Beatle Freaks
Punks and Skunks and Kooks and Geeks
You're looking in the mirror but you can't see your face
Look in the mirror but you can't see your face)

All those drugs, they can't be sane
All that noise affects their brain

(Tell ya, sniffing pot, smoking glue [1]
Whatever terrible things they do
Smoking LSD and such live version on 'Afterlife' has: eating ecstasy and stuff
It must be the reason why they can't talk much)

Chorus:
And it's such a crime
How they waste their time
They can't get nowhere
They've all gone beat crazy
Beat crazy

They say the world is in a mess
But they can talk, the way they dress!

(See the knee through a hole in their jeans
A hole in the pocket and they look so mean
Hole in the T-shirt, what's that to say?
About as clever as a hole in the head)

Can't get no jobs, can't get careers
With safety pins stuck through their ears

(Cut your hair, dye it green
See it shine with Brylcreem
A little dab'll do ya [2], a little dab a day
Or rub-a-dub it in a dreadlocks way)

Chorus

And if the Russians ever come
They'll all be beating bongo drums

(Yeah! Beatniks rule!
Dropped out of kindergarten, dropped out of school
Really hot on the bongo drums
Rrrrrreally hot on the bongo drums)

So who'll defend in World War III
Where could we turn, where would they be?

(Tell ya, dancehall cellar filled with smoke
Laughing at the latest joke
Doing the latest dance-to-do
The Bug and the Shimmy and the Suzy Q)

Chorus

Lookin' in the mirror but you can't see your face...

Lyrics written by Joe Jackson
Copyright © Pokazuka Ltd.
Reproduced by permission

One To One

Tried to call you yesterday
You were at the Monday Club
Or a Communist demonstration
Who cares
You're going somewhere every day
Vegetarians Against the Klan
Every Woman Against Every Man
Never...

Chorus:
One to one
What's wrong
What's wrong with one to one
Just once
Just me and you
Cause one to one is real
And you can't hide, just feel
That three's a crowd

I agree with what you say
But I don't wanna wear a badge
I don't wanna a banner like you
Though I don't mind it if you do
You're beautiful when you get mad
Or is that a sexist observation or...

Chorus

Lyrics written by Joe Jackson
Copyright © Pokazuka Ltd.
Reproduced by permission

In Every Dream Home (A Nightmare)

The guy who lives upstairs
Is an actor so they say or maybe worse
They say he changed his name
Cause someone with the same name made it first
His girlfriend comes to stay
We hear her screams and think that they rehearse
So maybe it's aplay
Or maybe someone's really getting hurt

Chorus:
Look round every home town
Every good job – every fair deal
Every nice house – every square meal
In every dream home a nightmare [3]

The girl who lives next door
Is a model so they say though I'm not sure
She never seems to work
Though clothes she wears suggest that she's not poor
She seems to be well known
With men friends always coming to her door
But they don't look her type
And she don't look the type to be a whore

Chorus

Lyrics written by Joe Jackson
Copyright © Pokazuka Ltd.
Reproduced by permission

The Evil Eye

People say there's no such thing as voodoo
I don't know why
People say there's no such thing as love
I got a job in SE15
And after tax my wage is 16
July the 17th I'll be 18
I don't think I'll live till 19
People say I'm looking so much older
Than what I am
People laugh at me when I say why
I'm being watched
By the Evil Eye
Working for a man who wears
A straw hat
And never smiles
And an apron striped and splashed with blood
I stack a pig's head on the shelf
The boss comes along and says move yourself
I can't move
I'm hypnotized
Staring into a dead's pig eyes
I turn around and all I see is ladies
With shopping bags
Staring at me trying to read my mind
And I'm being watched
By the Evil Eye
(Walking home – on my own
Standing at the bus stop – crossing the road
I'm being followed – cause I can feel
Someone's breath on my neck
Someone's toe on my heel...)

Gotta keep on walking
I can't stop now – I've come too far
Wait till I get home and lock the door
I got the candles burning low
I got the Cramps on the stereo [4]
I got the doll now I can start
With a pin right through the heart
I got dolls with straw hats
I got ladies with shopping bags
They'll be sorry they crossed me tonight
Now they're being watched
By the Evil Eye
Being watched
By the Evil Eye

Lyrics written by Joe Jackson
Copyright © Pokazuka Ltd.
Reproduced by permission

Mad At You

When you're fixing your make-up
You know you take too long
And when you mix me a drink up
You know you mix it too strong
And when you fix me a breakfast
You know you fix it too late
With the wrong kind of egg-cup
And the wrong kind of plate

But honey look at your eyes
You got the innocent eyes
Always the innocent eyes
And now you're asking me why
I'm mad at you
Mad at you

So come on what's your problem
You know we'll miss half the show
How come I'm walking so fast
How come you're walking so slow
After fixing your make-up
For an hour and a half
You say your new shoes are hurting
And you expect me to laugh

But honey look at your eyes
You got the innocent eyes
Always the innocent eyes
And now you're asking me why
I'm mad at you
Mad at you

Lyrics written by Joe Jackson
Copyright © Pokazuka Ltd.
Reproduced by permission

Crime Don't Pay

I got drunk with a real nice guy last night
In a mood to talk or fight
And he said, what's the matter
You don't look like you do so bad
I said I just been taken for everything I had
Someone took a fancy to my wallet and my coat
So what you smiling at
Ain't you been in that boat?
It's something that there really should be
Something done about
He said don't knock it, sonny
That's the way I started out
And now I got a nice suit
I got I nice car
It's been a nice day
Don't tell me that crime don't pay [5]
Okay?

Lyrics written by Joe Jackson
Copyright © Pokazuka Ltd.
Reproduced by permission

Someone Up There

We walked out one autumn evening
Someone up there made a fair appear
Coloured lights that caught our eyes
And reggae music caught our ears
We laughed as they played all the songs
We wanted least of all to hear
I guess that's when I knew
That we'd be more than just good friends
It happened just by chance

Chorus:
Someone up there makes the sun and sea
Someone up there brought my girl to me
Someone up there makes the wind and rain
Someone up there took her back again
And just for once
You can't fight back
No messing with the hand of fate
Oh no

The paper ran an ad
That had you running to the other side of town
Working for a man I never could make out
Who started hanging round
Someone up there got me drinking
Got me drunk
And made me put him down
The way you looked at me I knew
That we'd be coming to an end
It happened just by chance

Chorus

Lyrics written by Joe Jackson
Copyright © Pokazuka Ltd.
Reproduced by permission

Battleground

Black nigger white nigger standing in the dark
Listen to the rhythm of the bass boom
Black nigger takes a hit sending up a spark
In the dark heat
Swaying a little to the bass beat
White nigger takes a hit takes money out
Says this is what it's all about
Rots your brain – who cares
Black nigger stares
White nigger sighs
I like your music
I like your style
I crack a joke so why don't you smile?
White nigger dancing out on the floor tonight
The band's not good but the beat seems right
The band's all black and the floor's all white
Clenching fists unite and fight
Rock Against Racism rules tonight
But in the real world
No-one rules
But fists are clenched all right
Down in the Underground
Out in the playground
The common ground
Is a Battleground
Now you don't have to be black to be a nigger no more
The writing's on the wall
Say – black is power
White is flour
Divided we fall
And behind the wall
Behind the door
In the dark heat
In the rhythm of the bass beat
Something is wrong
And no-one is taking the blame

Lyrics written by Joe Jackson
Copyright © Pokazuka Ltd.
Reproduced by permission

Biology

Hello – I'm back again
Haven't seen you since I don't know when
It's been so long but you seem so cold
Is it something you've been told
She said
So this is what you think of me
Going with some whore somewhere out in Germany
I said baby
Baby can't you see
It's nothing to do with you and me
Nothing to do with my heart
Nothing to do with my head
Nothing to do with our home
Nothing to do with our bed

Chorus:
It's just B-I-O-L-O-G-Y
Can't you see
It's just biology
Biology – coming in between you and me

Your biology lesson starts here
And first of all we should make it clear
That the species known as males
Have these little white things with little white tails
Which multiply and start to shout
It's getting crowded down here – let us out
Once relieved they start again
It's not a process controlled by the brain
Nothing to do with their hearts
Nothing to do with their heads
Nothing to do with their homes
Nothing to do with their beds

Chorus

She said thanks, I'm so relieved
What you're saying I can well believe
Now I know, I feel no shame
About Dave and Tony and Phil and James
I said
Baby baby, this can't be true
She said well what's right for you
Has to be right for me
In any case I'm sure you'll see
It's nothing to do with our hearts
It's nothing to do with our heads
It's nothing to do with our homes
Nothing to do with our beds

Chorus

Lyrics written by Joe Jackson
Copyright © Pokazuka Ltd.
Reproduced by permission

Pretty Boys

Pretty boys – on my TV screen
Teeth so white and hair so clean
Pretty boys – sing and play guitars
Pretty boys get to be big stars

How do you rate my sex appeal from one to ten?
Is my image just a bit confusing?
Maybe I should get a facelift, start again
Maybe I should trade my pointed shoes in
Cause talent don't count
For pretty boys...

Those promo people have a lot to answer for
You can take your face and see just where it fits
Be a pretty pawn in someone else's war
Your baby blue eyes – somebody else's wits
Equals success
For pretty boys

I wanna see a human being on my TV set
Want some action for the fat and thin man
They're getting closer but they ain't got robots yet
Just a hero with a smile like a tin man
No brains and no heart
Just pretty boys

Lyrics written by Joe Jackson
Copyright © Pokazuka Ltd.
Reproduced by permission

Fit

Don't laugh – but there people in this world
Born as boys and fighting to be girls
People standing in their way
Some are straight and some are gay
Calling them the drag queens
Say you can't be one of us
You only have yourself to blame
You don't fit

Don't laugh – but there are people in this town
Be polite, say a whiter shade of brown
People that they gonna fight
Some are black and some are white
Calling them the half-breeds
Say you can't be one of us
You only have yourself to blame
You don't fit

That's what they're there for – square pegs in square holes
Round pegs in round
You get too big then they can't make new holes
So they'll cut you down
All ugly sisters must wear glass slippers [6]
Or get out of town

But don't cry – if the people in your street
Lead a life that's more or less complete
Little problems every day
Little problems go away
Kid yourself you're fighting for life
Kid yourself you fight for love
But maybe in some other lifetime
You won't fit
And if you don't fit
You're fit for nothing at all

Lyrics written by Joe Jackson
Copyright © Pokazuka Ltd.
Reproduced by permission

Footnotes:
 
[1] 'Sniffing' and 'smoking' are probably intentionally mixed up to show the ignorance of the person attacking the 'youth of today'.
 
[2] 'A Little Dab'll Do Ya!' was part of Brylcreem's original advertising jingle.
 
[3] The song title is probably a reference to the Roxy Music song 'In Every Dream Home A Heartache', released in 1973.
 
[4] That Cramps LP on the stereo would have been 'Songs The Lord Taught Us' (released in March 1980) which contained the track 'Zombie Dance'.
 
[5] "Crime doesn't pay" is/was a slogan of the FBI and the cartoon detective Dick Tracy, according to the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, revised 4th edition.
 
[6] A couple of references to the fairytale of Cinderella.